As the Indica settles on my brain, and my ass is once again resting in my comfy chair, I think upon today with anxiety and purpose. Even though I knew this day was coming and no matter how much I mentally tried to prepare myself, (by smoking a lot of Sativa and playing horror video games) day one of the whole “back to school” grind has almost gotten me feeling like the undead.
The day started off earlier than I’d like at 6:20 am. After spending most of the summer waking up at the same time as my pre-teen, (I know, lucky me!) seeing the sunrise wasn’t a rush I was ready for. It’s a weird feeling being up that early with purpose. Over the last few months, if I got up that early, it was only to kiss my partner goodbye before she drove off into the sunrise. (She works. I don’t. It really isn’t complicated. We make it work the best we can.)
Anyways, last night, I made sure that my two young were in bed early enough that they wouldn’t be too cranky in the morning. They were nice, which meant they got to watch before class. My oldest wanted me to wake him at 6 am. I didn’t wake him up until 7:30 am. He didn’t get up until 8:00 am. However, he doesn’t have to travel far to get to class.
Everything about the morning was familiar like time had suddenly resumed and everything was back to normal. Of course, this year is anything but.
How do I explain this?
Over the years, I got used to a busy morning routine.
- Wake up.
- Make coffee.
- Wake the kids
- Make sure their lunch is packed
- Feed the cats
- Wake up the kids
- Make sure they eat
- Make sure they are dressed
- Make sure they are awake
- Get them to school
- Get myself to school
- Drink cold coffee before class
With my children remote learning this year most of those things on the list just didn’t happen. Sounds like a good morning, right?
It was and it wasn’t.
My rebellious middle child, on the other hand, made the decision to not spend grade seven without her friends, which I have no choice but to respect. I would prefer her to stay at home during this pandemic. However, I believe that our public school board, here in Thunder Bay, is more than capable of ensuring a safe working environment for staff and students. Nevertheless, no parent is going to let their kid leave their home during these unusual circumstances without feeling some kind of anxiety over it. The “What If” begs us to ponder over it.
Remote learning went rather well, although, I have to admit, I had no idea what to expect. I knew he would be in front of the computer for a good portion of the day. I figure there would be discussion and morning meetings where the teacher would explain the lesson and then the kid would be off to do the work. It would seem the school board is trying to maintain as much normalcy as they can structuring their entire online experience around an in-class format.
School starts and ends at a particular time. He has Nutrisan Break and Lunch at certain times. Because he is in grade four, he starts learning french, so french class is in there along with music class on day 3s.
My oldest attended his guitar class in the morning and English in the afternoon. The only critique I have for the way his High School set up his classes is complete nonsense. Two classes each semester. That makes sense. This is a new way of learning and we don’t want to overload the student and parents with too many virtual classrooms to manage. I’ve taken online classes before (at the university level), and if you are not used to independent learning they can be tough to manage.
What I don’t understand is why shift the two classes around from week to week?
This week he has Guitar in the morning and English in the afternoon, then next week, he has English in the morning and Guitar in the afternoon. If there is a reason for this I would like to hear it because all I can assume is that there is no reason and someone just thought it would be funny.
He is also not the kid I am most worried about. He works hard and knows what he’s doing. He is responsible enough to remotely learn on his own because I know if you get confused, he’ll ask the teacher or come to me. He has proven that time and time again.
At 8:30 am, I was just finishing up a warm cup of coffee and thinking about how I was going to manage remote learning with my youngest. Also, thinking we were going to be sitting together for grade four orientation, my anxiety fell on my own work.
I am in my final year of the Master of Arts program at Lakehead University located right here in Thunder Bay, Ontario. I have two seminar classes and a creative thesis project left to finish up before I can receive my Masters Degree. And all of this is dawning on me as I am signing to the virtual elementary for my youngest child. A child whom I have been at home with since he was two. A child, who despite his best efforts, has the toughest of times trying to grasp the basic elements of the English language due to an undiagnosed learning disability. He has spent many years in speech therapy and, all in all, he is at the level he is supposed to be, but the exception that he forgets how to describe what he is saying, so everything is a “thing-a-ma-bob.” At which point, he’ll end up just showing the object in question and we’ll reinforce the word by calling the object by its name out loud so he can hear what the words sounds like and also feel how the word feels on his tongue. It is a fascinating process, but a process of which will follow him for a long time.
I smoked a bowl because why not, and started on my own school work. I managed to get through one article today. One. One, just one. “Globalization and the Claims of Postcoloniality” by Simon Gikandi is a fascinating read about our shared global narrative that transgresses westernized boundaries.
Yes, back to big words, and long drawn out articles. Yet, I must reiterate, I like this article. I enjoy how Simone evaluates the problems with a new global language being constructed through a predominantly capitalist language, but how that language ultimately undermines and complicates how we view our nationhood. Meaning, when someone says, “there is no Canadian Culture,” they do not say there is no national identity. Of course there is a national identity, and it is okay to be patriotic as long as your views do not trample on the rights and freedom of your fellow humans.
What academic’s like Gikandi are saying is that nationhood and culture are not really the same thing. For instance, I am a Canadian Citizen by birth; therefore, my Citizenship grants a person access to the nation-state of Canada. If I decide to leave Canada and take up residence in the United States, I would have to apply for citizenship in the USA, therefore, forfeiting my rights and a Canadian Citizen. My national identity relies only on maintaining my citizenship and allegiance to my country and remaining within the borders of that country.
Culture works quite differently. Culture is able to transcend these borders and migrate between them. For example, how we shape our individual identities is entirely based on the popular culture one consumes.
Humanity acquires a sense of culture through the production of cultural products.
have grown beyond the borders society has restricted it too in the past. Because there has been an influx of global migration of people over the last thirty years, our cultures have become hybridised that can only be conceptizred on a global scale.
Of course, I am only paraphrasing. These are more narrow and focused concepts that are worth exploring at a later time, and if you have any questions on the subject, feel free to comment below.
As you can tell, there is a lot on my plate. My mind is constantly racing from the alphabet to postmodernism. Not to mention that this post is like 2 weeks late along with the ending to my WIP, The Good Life.
Anxiety is rooted itself throughout my day. However, at the beginning of this post I did say there was also a purpose. Which ultimately led us to the afternoon when my faithful sidekick popped over to smoke a bowl and to chat about his first day of film school. I will spare you the kushy details of the conversation because it involves a lot of talk about postmodernism.
All I said was, “everything is subjective because my reality is different from yours.”
Austin is great. He always puts everything in a way I can understand. He tells me to “stop playing devil advocate. Pick a side and prove it.”
Those words have been echoing in me. I am able to do all this because I know I can. I’ve done it for the past six years. It’s the end of the road. School’s out.
I guess I am always on a quest to build my confidence just spilling it all out on here just seemed to make me feel better.
Thank you for reading.
Midnight Dreamscapes 
Leave a comment